Friday, 24 April 2015

Day Eighteen

Rule 18
“If you want to change the ways others treat you, you should first change the way you treat yourself, fully and sincerely, there is no other way you can be loved. Once you achieve that stage, however, be thankful for every thorn that others might throw at you. It is a sign that you will soon be showered in roses.”

T said, "Hey, I'm going on a 40 day challenge to become a better person."
Universe said, "Bahahahaha!"

Universe then proceeded to, much like in a physical workout, throw some interesting curveballs and crank up the resistance to ensure I'm getting my money's worth. To be fair, it's keeping things interesting. 

Rule 18 is one I want to tell so many people... anyone who's ever been hurt, cheated, felt taken for granted, and is generally stuck in that same old rut. When people come to me for advice, so many times I feel like telling them to just walk away, they're too good for this. But that's not what most people want to hear. They want to hear that it will get better, and who can blame them? We all need hope. 

Let me put it this way, though: if you lie down on the floor right in front of the door, you can't complain about people using you as a doormat. If you have self-love and self-respect, you will not tolerate anyone using you as a doormat. Too often we just can't say no, or are scared of asserting our self-worth, be it in relationships, socially or professionally. What are we so afraid of? That people won't like us anymore because we aren't useful to them? If that's the only reason they liked us in the first place, good riddance. 

When it comes to relationships, be with someone who likes you for who you are. Many times, people want to be with someone because of what they can bring to the table, and if that's the case, believe me that whatever value addition you bring to their lives will grow stale very quickly if they don't actually like you for who you are

Think of this scenario: Like a product, you had value proposition for them at one point in their lives, and now you've delivered it, they're only left with who you are. At which point they realize that they don't actually like who you are. There's not a whole lot you can do about who you are (unless, you know, you're a rapist or murderer or compulsive liar, then the other person understandably has an issue with you). But for all mundane intents and purposes, you can only try to be a better version of yourself, not do a complete engine overhaul. That won't happen, and expectations won't be met which leads to bitterness and anger. If someone just doesn't like who I am and says it to my face, I can't even be angry at them. It's their right to hate my guts, and I can't force them to change that. All I can do is try to be considerate to my best ability, but beyond that, it becomes about them choosing not to like me. 

Everything in life is a choice. We have a choice to see the good in each other, to be considerate to one another, to be kind, to not simply use people and then forget about them. And yes, love is also a choice, completely and absolutely. 

Love yourself for starters, that in itself is a kindness to others. For instance, if I neglect my health because I'm too busy looking after my kids and being a martyr with housework, I won't be in any shape to look after them for long. Even if I'm not scared of getting sick and am ready to face the consequences, they will bear the burden of my problems, too. 

Today, I'm making a commitment to be nicer to myself, in the hopes it will have a trickle down effect on everything and everyone else. 

So, go on then Universe. I'm ready for whatever curveballs you're throwing at me, just like the team in the movie Dodgeball. I have faith, and I'm going to make sure the roses come.